The Colony of Tea Jol is a massive, safe nation, ruled by DJ Moyer with an even hand, and notable for its unlimited-speed roads, smutty television, and multi-spousal wedding ceremonies. The hard-nosed, hard-working population of 4.634 billion Tea Jolians have some civil rights, but not too many, enjoy the freedom to spend their money however they like, to a point, and take part in free and open elections, although not too often.

The medium-sized government juggles the competing demands of Education, Administration, and Law & Order. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of Galapagos. The average income tax rate is 74.6%, and even higher for the wealthy.

The frighteningly efficient Tea Jolian economy, worth 774 trillion kronor a year, is led by the Tourism industry, with major contributions from Book Publishing, Information Technology, and Retail. Average income is an impressive 167,187 kronor, and evenly distributed, with the richest citizens earning only 2.3 times as much as the poorest.

Cutting-edge missile systems are being retrofitted to twin-prop air force biplanes, recognizing the Tea Jolian flag qualifies you for citizenship, grocery stores can be audibly identified by the giggling emerging from them, and travelers are subject to extensive searches if beet stains are visible on their clothing. Crime, especially youth-related, is totally unknown, thanks to a well-funded police force and progressive social policies in education and welfare. Tea Jol's national animal is the Boa constrictor, which is also the nation's favorite main course.

Tea Jol is ranked 3,627^th in the world and 98^th in The East Pacific for Safest, scoring 136.32 on the Bubble-Rapp Safety Rating.